My Child Is Struggling in School. How Do I Know When It’s Time to Ask for Help?

One of the questions I hear from parents again and again is, “How do I know if my child really needs help—or if I just need to give it more time?”

Every child develops differently, and learning is rarely a perfectly straight path. But there is also a point when waiting to see isn't necessarily the best next step. Sometimes a child is working incredibly hard just to keep up. Sometimes good grades hide how much support is happening behind the scenes. And sometimes parents simply have that nagging feeling that learning shouldn't be this hard for their child.

At My Learning Farm, I believe every student deserves individualized support to thrive. This is READS! and we have fun writing, learning and exploring together!

Struggling Doesn't Always Look Like Failing

A child does not have to be failing before we start asking questions. I work with incredibly bright, curious, funny kids who can tell me everything about their favorite animal, explain exactly how something works, or carry on the most amazing conversation—and yet reading, spelling, writing, or math can be incredibly difficult.

The first signs may be homework taking much longer than expected, avoiding reading, guessing at words, forgetting spelling words that were practiced repeatedly, struggling to get wonderful ideas onto paper, difficulty remembering math facts, or needing significantly more help than expected. Sometimes it shows up emotionally through frustration, tears, avoidance, or comments like, “I'm stupid,” “I'm bad at school,” or “I can't do this.”

When an academic struggle begins changing how a child sees themselves, I pay attention.

Look at the Effort, Not Just the Grade

Report cards only tell part of the story. Two children may both earn a B in reading, but one completes the work independently while the other spends hours practicing, receives significant help at home, avoids unfamiliar words, and is exhausted by the effort it takes to keep up.

Ask yourself: How much effort and support does it take for my child to produce the result I'm seeing? That answer can tell us much more than a letter grade.

I also encourage parents to look for patterns over time. Gather report cards, reading assessments, writing samples, spelling tests, math work, standardized testing, teacher comments, and intervention information. You don't have to become an expert in educational testing—you are simply looking for the story the information tells when you put it all together.

Listen to What Your Child Is Telling You

“I hate reading.” “This is boring.” “I forgot.” “I can't do it.”

Sometimes those statements really are about motivation or a hard day, but sometimes avoidance is communication. Instead of stopping at “My child doesn't like reading,” get curious about why. Is reading slow and exhausting? Are they guessing at words? Do they understand beautifully when someone reads aloud to them but struggle when they have to read independently?

The why matters.

So, When Is It Time to Ask for Help?

I encourage families to start asking more questions when difficulties with reading, writing, spelling, math, attention, memory, organization, or another area of learning become a consistent pattern, particularly when the child continues to struggle despite appropriate instruction and support.

Start by talking with your child's teacher. Ask what they are seeing, what skills your child has mastered, where they are struggling, what interventions have been tried, and how progress is being measured. Ask to see the actual data—not because one test score defines your child, but because multiple pieces of information over time can help paint a much clearer picture.

If concerns continue, it may be appropriate to seek an academic assessment or request an evaluation through your child's public school. Asking for an evaluation does not mean you have decided your child has a disability. It means you're asking for more information so you can make informed decisions about what your child needs.

Don't Wait for Your Child to Fail

This may be the most important thing I want parents to know: a child should not have to completely fall apart academically before we become curious about why learning is difficult.

Support can take many forms. It may mean changing how something is being taught, providing explicit and systematic reading instruction, adding math support, using accommodations, changing curriculum, seeking an assessment, or simply gathering more information before deciding what comes next.

The goal isn't to put a label on a child. The goal is to understand the child in front of us.

A Little Perspective From the Farm

One thing farming has taught me is that growth doesn't always happen on the same schedule. Some things sprout almost overnight. Others need more time, different conditions, a little extra tending—or an entirely different approach.

Our kids aren't so different.

When a child struggles, rather than simply pushing harder and harder on the same thing, we can get curious and ask a much better question:

What does this child need in order to flourish?

If you're concerned about your child's learning, you don't have to figure out the entire path today. Gather what you know, ask questions, look for patterns, and choose the next right step. Most importantly, keep reminding your child that struggling with a skill does not define who they are—or what they are capable of becoming.